In this little corner of the world, August has entered with a bang. All my well-laid plans for the month were dashed about a week ago when out of the blue I was hit in the face with a steel pipe. Talk about an unexpected turn of events. Left with a severe concussion, I've been largely unable to do much of anything save lie in a dark room by myself. No screens. No reading. No talking. No interacting. It was like my mind just went ... blank. And every engagement with the world as I knew it was both exhausting and bewildering. The first few days were spent as if in a waking dream where time disappeared and my mind was not my own. It was truly frightening – I didn't know who I was if even my own thoughts were foreign and strange.
I'm slowly climbing out of it, but the funny thing is, I don't exactly want things to be the same as they were before. After a week of doing deep dives into my subconscious (mostly through hours of meditation – there's not much else to do if you can't handle any stimulation), I saw and learned things that had been right under the surface prior to the accident, but hidden by the ceaseless chatter of my monkey mind. It seems that in order to better connect to myself, and possibly to source (or however you might think of universal energy), I had to be quite literally smacked upside the head.
While this month's offerings are meager in amount (due to my inability to be on my computer for any real length of time), my message is perhaps more potent than usual. I believe that we all have untold information – and really, true gold – right under the surface of who we are day-to-day, and all the numerous worldly pursuits, cares, anxieties, and goals we fill our minds and bodies with. I realized this week that I had been holding so tightly to those things as strappings of my identity and survival, that even though I thought I was seeing myself and others, I wasn't. I was restless and often dissatisfied, solely focused on what was next. I was not able to really FEEL my interconnectedness with others. I was not grateful for the privilege of having my mind and body work as I wanted them to. I wasn't able to see that the answers I actually needed were within me the whole time.
This month all I'm offering is a playlist, designed expressly by Subconscious Caitlin to induce a state of mental and energetic healing. You don't ALL need a concussion to release you to your own depths and truth. Hopefully you can take this little message from me, though, as a reminder to find some time to Let Go of things a bit more... let the outer edges of things blur a little. Let those tightly held plans, duties, or beliefs begin to loosen. Allow yourself to lay down in the dark, no screens, no distractions, and journey with your own thoughts.
What if all you need, right now, is already inside of you?
∞ ∞ ∞
Let this one work on your subconscious. Turn it on when you're doing solo pursuits (cooking, driving), and if you really want to let go and wander, get yourself into a cool, dark room, lay down, and see where it takes you.
Wishing you all moments of inner connection, outer joy, and discovery during
this last bright (and beautifully dark) month of summer.
~ Caitlin ~